Too posh to push – addressing the myth of bad sex after a natural birth

This foundation forms from fear and misinformation.

I was reading a pregnancy magazine last night and was quite surprised that a certain mother was so uneducated that she assumed that women would put themselves in a situation that would doom them into a disastrous sex life after they have had a child "naturally". The problem is, she didn’t know the difference between a natural birth - where a mother is allowed to push in any position she wants to and WHEN she wants to, and a vaginal birth - the situation where most Sandton’ers find themselves in – strapped to a monitor, with an epidural and they have NO idea when their body is telling them to push... pushing to the count of 10 on the nurses or doctors demands, over extended periods of time - over 1.5 hours, where blood vessels burst in your face – so imagine what is happening to your vaginal muscles. Natural birthing is gentle, you push when your body tells you, and you will very rarely push for longer than an hour, and a count past 6-8. If you; in conjunction with your midwife; have properly prepared the birth, most first time mom’s will push for 40 minutes. Second time mom’s, 20 minutes.

Let’s address the topic of incontinence. Vaginal or natural birth does not cause extended incontinence – IF it does happen (which it rarely does in natural birth cases), it will generally heal within the first few weeks after the birth. Where extended incontinence plays a part, is from the actual pregnancy itself. So whether you have a caesarian or a natural birth, the damage is already done. The number one way to heal this, is through doing your vaginal exercises – your antenatal teacher or midwife wasn’t joking when she said you should put a sign up to remind you to do your kegels, like 100-200 kegels a day! I suggest you get into the habit of it now, and your husband will thank you!

With regards to bad sex, I think the question in the aforementioned pregnancy magazine was “Why should I sacrifice my sex life for my baby?” – I don’t think one should have to, but I still feel that this kind of viewpoint is slightly selfish. Yes, sex will be different, but in many cases it is a lot better. You have a deeper connection with your husband, and as a woman you would a agree, sex is more about the emotional connection than the physical.

Know how your pregnancy and birth will affect your body. Encourage discussion between you and your husband and set your expectations where they should be. Pregnancy and birth is not a sickness, but as you would prepare and train your body for a cycling race, you need to make sure you do so for this beautiful miracle.